Perfect English Fish & Chips With Beer Batter.....

What better way to observe the continued retreat of Britain from the world stage than with the perfect English fish and chips. I say English : we are frying fish here, not Mars Bars like they do in Scotland.

Now, I am a humble man, and modest as well (as you will no doubt agree....). However I must tell you right now that I nailed this dish, and it is so easy that you can as well. This was my fifth attempt, trying different things out each time. This dish will disappear faster than the UK economy post Brexit.

For the chips, please follow my chip instructions contained in a previous post. Note that you need to start these off first : they should be in water for a few hours beforehand.

You need a large deep frying pan, filled with half an inch of vegetable oil, or at least an oil that can handle heat well (not olive oil).

Get your fish out of the 'fridge and leave at room temperature for an hour before you cook it. Think about good sushi chefs : the fish is at room temperature, which makes it soft. People rest red meat like this before they cook it, but don't do it with fish. The result is that the centre is cold, meaning the outside needs to be overcooked. Obviously don't leave it in the sun if you live in Florida, but you won't get instant hibola by getting it to room temperature. I use haddock but any white fish is good. Cod is the classic.

When the fish is rested, season will with salt and pepper on both sides. Then, in a dish cover, the fish with a thin layer of flour, rubbing it into the fish. Treat the fish roughly. You are the boss here : it won't fall apart.

BEER BATTER MIX (For Two Large Fishes)

- Cup of flour

- Half a bottle of beer (go for an IPA or bitter over a clean lager, this is about flavour)

- Empty glass (pour the other half of the beer in and drink it)

- Teaspoon of salt

- Teaspoon of pepper

- Tablespoon of paprika

- Splash of olive oil

- Juice of half a lemon

Whip this together in a dish with a fork. This is all about the consistency. Take your fork, and take a scoop of the batter. It ought to be viscous like thick syrup. It should fall off your fork, but ought to pause for reflection before so doing. Add flour or beer to get this bang on target.

Cover the floured fish in the batter mix on all sides.

Fire up the heat under your pan, on full throttle. Leave to heat for at least three minutes. The oil ought to be very hot.

Cook the fish individually. Every fish needs five minutes in total. Turn after two-and-a-half minutes. If you are cooking a large number, store the cooked fish in an oven at 200F (a very low heat) just to keep them warm.

After they come out of the oil, rest for a couple of minutes (the fish are stil cooking at this stage) then squeeze some lemon juice over it and serve with a generous piece of lemon on top, with your chips.

No living being has ever been saddened by some mayonnaise with their chips. Your guests are unlikely to be the first.

Final point - Without meaning to sound like your mother, don't threw the hot oil straight down your sink if you have plastic pipes. As you sit down to eat, and are nosing your favourite Savvy B, the burned plastic note can really get in front of those apricots and white pepper.... And plumbers are expensive. Safety message over. Keep Calm, And Fry On!